LISTENS ACTIVELY

 20220414 Module 9

Key Idea: Focuses on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what is being communicated in the context of the client systems and to support client self-expression.

I hate getting stuck in traffic. One of my pet peeves is inconsiderate and incompetent drivers, and I always carry an imaginary bazooka for times like those. Whenever a driver annoyed me, I would take out said imaginary bazooka and blast their vehicle off the road. It was a little bit of fun entertainment considering there was nothing much that could be done while being stuck in traffic. Another one of my pet peeves (and this is another big one) is when I’m talking to someone and they’re totally not listening or paying attention. Because of this, I personally try my best to listen actively when I am having a conversation with someone. (Except when I’m driving and occasionally pull out a bazooka).

Active listening engages not only our ears to hear, but also our minds to think, our eyes to see & observe, and our hearts to emote. While it makes sense to listen with our ears & minds, how do we listen with our eyes & hearts? It helps that we maintain eye contact, as the “eyes are the window to the soul” or so said Shakespeare. With our eyes, we observe what is happening with the Coachee, paying attention to his/her Body Language, to listen and discover what is truly within them. Then, with our hearts, we remain sensitive to their emotions. By mirroring their emotions, and paraphrasing their sentences, we not only show that we care, but that we are also focused on their narrative. By remaining curious with our Coachees, we hope to discover more behind every word, story or complaint that is being said. 

Other sub-elements to Active Listening are as follows:
1. Considers the Client’s Context - understanding their system, culture, background, history, etc.

2. Reflects Back what the Client communicated - Holding up the mirror, we reflect the verbal, vocal & Visual.

3. Inquires (the More of) what the client is saying - clarify, notice repeated words,  etc.

4. Explore the Client’s emotions, Shifts & non-verbal cues - notice triggers, reactions, & energy. When they speed up, it’s logical thought, but when they slow down, they’re thinking deeper & reflecting.

5. Integrates the Client’s words, tone of voice, body language to determine the full meaning of what is being communicated - eg. you said this, but your actions are otherwise. Help me connect the dots.

6. Notice trends in the Client’s behaviours and emotions across sessions to discern themes and patterns - What shows up? Where are they stuck at? Where do they want to stay?

There is so much to Listening Actively and therefore, so so much to discover about an individual. Casual conversations only touch the surface, and through coaching sessions, we get to dig a little deeper. Finally, my takeaway is to suspend all judgement. We do not fully understand what is happening within an individual, so we should always take time to get to know them better. Don’t jump to conclusions, and therefore, let’s put that bazooka down.